Loneliness

So I’m currently feeling my cyclical period of loneliness. (I’m not actually sure what the cycle is, whether it’s attached to hormones, whether it’s just one of those things, whether it is something which happens when I have a little more thinking time to deal with.)

Background: split up from the husband in 2010 after being together for 14 years and married for 9 of those. Since 2010 I’ve had two what-can-technically-be-called-relationships: one of three months (6 years ago), and one of eight months (15 months ago). My family lives a 30-minute drive away and that suits me, most of the time. And I live with my 3 children: 2 teenagers and 1 almost-teenager.

Yesterday the feeling crept up on me and made me crave adult company.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t feel loneliness like I imagine somebody does who is housebound and receives no visitors. Or somebody whose life-long partner has died and they are faced with the world on their own for the first time in what may feel like forever.

Having the two relationships since the ex-husband, plus other ‘dalliances’ in the earlier days of being single, I have realised that I missed out on quite a lot while I was married. I was not married to somebody who I really shared a lot with. He wasn’t a particularly caring man – not with me nor the children. There was plenty wrong with the marriage, (but I’m sure that’s for another time). But having met ‘nice’ men since then (for nice read interesting, passionate, considerate, open-minded, non-judgemental etc.), I know how quickly time can pass just talking, sharing life stories, discussing the day and being honest about emotions.

So right now I am just missing having somebody to go for a coffee and a natter with. I’m not talking about getting into a relationship, I’m really not after that. I just mean male company to while away a couple of hours. It’s a different sort of companionship to being with a female friend.

I’m back to work and study tomorrow…so I’m sure the problem will right itself very soon….

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